Its starting again!
The weights creeping back on, my bodys changing (not for the better). Eating in secret, rushing food in the fear that people might catch me in the act & generally lying to my partner about what I eat. I am a grown woman so why oh why am I doing this! Running around living a secret life?....
I know that the only way for ME to personally lose weight is to starve myself! Iv been on every type of diet imaginable and the ony thing that works for me is when I forget to eat. If Im to lose the weight I understand I'm going to have to eat little and run myself into the ground at the gym everyday. However, no matter what im always hungry and wanting more.....
When I was at my biggest (3stone heavier than I am now) my favourite thing to eat was bread, bread and lots of it! Today I ate 4 sandwiches in addition to my planned meals.
Recently Iv found myself comparing my own body to that of my collegues and friends (probabley the worst thing you can do when you have lots of smaller waisted friends.
Will I ever wear a pair of shorts? Will I ever wear a bikini? Will there ever be a time where I can honestly say im no longer fat? Will there be a time I like what looks back at me in the mirror. To the rest of the world I am an outgoing individual always joking and laughing but secretly Im living in HELL!
Im so upset with myself. I only get one life and Id love to make the most of it by being the person I want so badly to be BUT thats easier said than done.
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