Think twice about that naughty vice...

Let me introduce you to my enemy.... 'The Vice'

The more minor use of the word 'Vice' refers to a fault,  negative character trait, defect, or unhealthy habit (such as obsessive eating or smoking). There's no denying that everybody regardless of gender, ethnicity or socio-economic status , we all without a doubt have atleast ONE vice. 

Some people pride themselves on work and would consider their 70hour working week to be a huge vice. Others may have more addictive vises such as a glass of wine or smoking cigarettes. However, there is no competition when it comes to the most popular vice, yes you've guessed it..... food! 

The most popular food vices appear to follow the all too familiar ABC sequence. A; alcohol, (but never a healthy apples I see). B; biscuits, bread. And finally C; cake, crisps, cookies and my all time favourite ....Chocolate. After asking people on Twitter & Facebook unsurprisingly I discovered that most of these guilty pleasure were a result of a hard day at work or general comfort eating; it begs the question 'If we were all 100%completely and contently happy with our own lives would anyone ever even be fat or overweight?' and my next question 'Does that person even exist?'

For as long as I can remember I've had a love/hate relationship with chocolate (I love IT but it HATES my wobbly belly and my ever expending ass). I often ask myself, why when we know of certain risks in life (Eg bad friends, distructive relationships or indeed an ongoing chocolate addiction) do we still put ourselves in vulnerable positions therefore free to threat or attack. I KNOW my vice and I KNOW what I need to do but still losing weight seems like a huge struggle.

As expected every vice comes with a price; obviously there's the weigh gain but above all there's the overwhelming guilt of having failed yourself all over again. Over the years Iv quickly realised that if you hide food, hide your face whilst eating or generally try to conceal any eating behaviour you probably know in your heart that your acting irresponsibly and you really shouldn't be eating whatever it is you're troffing. Yesterday, I found myself in this same situation.... it was 9pm at night after a 'long hard day at work' (The Universal excuse for failure!) and even though Id had three main meals with countless naughty snacks in between I took it upon myself to buy 2 Chicken wraps and a Kit-kat Chunky bar. As I started to tuck into my 4th meal of the day I realised I was avoiding eye contact of other commuters standing at the Tram platform, hiding my face, looking down at the ground and generally doing everything I could to avoid the shame and judgement from strangers Id never even met before. Jessie J's song sounded over my pastel pink vintage headphones (seriously I wouldn't make this poetic shit up) she began to sing 'I stare at my reflection in the mirror! Why am I doing this to myself?'. Why indeed Jessie! Why is it that I'm a strong independent woman who's biggest enemy is a Southern fried Chicken wrap!? The shame caused me to have flashback of being that 20.5stone 20year old who at perhaps her lowest point sunk a small seaside boat & ate recycled cold pizza.... when I say recycled I mean it was from the kitchen BIN!

Since my recycling days I have been on endless amounts of diets and many of you may know that even with losses and again I now find myself at around 17stone; still much bigger than I'd like but a far far cry from the me that once was. Recently I calculated how many years of my life I'd actually been on some sort of diet plan and the fact is I could remember being on a diet as young as 11; thinking as an eleven year old that was humongous when in fact id kill to be that size now.

Does anyone have any advice to solve my vice?