Saturday, 14 February 2015

Valentines Day: When someone loves you but you dont love yourself...

Valentines Day 2015
Happy Valentines day everyone... Everywhere Iv looked for the past few weeks its been Love! Love! Love! So what better thing to blog about on this very sweetest and loveliest of days. 

Its been almost a year since my last blog entry about health and lifestyle....truth is the moment I stopped blogging I started to gain all the weight I had so desperately tried to loose. Only now do I realise that blogging was sort of therapy for me.

Eating in the kitchen when I think my other half cannot hear me or see me...moments like this make me realise that what I have is an illness...Eating so much I feel sick but continuing anyway.... Eating so much Iv had to buy bigger clothes for the first time in years.... Eating three meals out in the same day then lying about it to the ones I love...

Many of you may be very sceptical about the term 'food addiction' but why else would an intelligent person eat her weight in food each day even though she is fully aware of the harm she does to her body?! A person can become addicted to drugs, alcohol, certain acts so why not to food.....!? I am not saying it started this way, i fully believe that my bad eating habits as a child have effected me for life even into adult-hood where i am capable of making my own decisions BUT I honestly think once you overstep a certain mark its extremely difficult to turn back.

I know Andrew loves me (we've been together almost 5 years) . Yes he loves me but my own demons tell me otherwise... my issues with the way I look tell me the reason he turned me down the other week was not because he was tired but because he finds me gross as Iv gained so much weight. Then the following morning I think about the situation rationally and remember he loves me for me and has never said or done anything to make me feel otherwise.... this guy loves me fat pants or not!

The fact is.... all other aspects of my life are in order. I am in a loving relationship with a guy I feel blessed with everyday (not only my soul mate but also my best friend). Iv worked hard over the past  years to be totally debt free, so relieved to have that burden shifted. Currently I do a job that I love which makes full use of my University Degree, I often have to remind myself of how blessed I really am.

Millions of woman struggle every day with feelings like this (many of whom are probably on my Facebook page) but similar to my own situation each year is the same.... I WILL lose weight, I WILL get healthier, I WILL do it for ME. I often think if I'd had no friends when I was younger, no partner now I would have felt sad enough to seriously fight the bulge for good! Thankfully (I think) that wasn't my lie.. I was popular at school, had (and still have) some amazing friends and was lucky enough to fall in love at 21 with funniest guy I know... I have seen the world, done amazing things and not let my weight hold me back at al.

I must remind myself (and others) that life was sometimes worse  (weight wise ofcourse)... I used to weigh 21.5stone and I would be devastated if life ever got to that stage again.... something needs to happen and fast. I hope that in finding my 'blogging mojo' again things will change. I have done it once and can do it again. 

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

He said I was his best-friend....

Apparently we were quite the comedy act...
We'd not been out for over three months I guess we had the house move, our holiday, Christmas & a general lack of funds to thank for that. 

So, when our staff Christmas parties landed on the exact same day this was the perfect opportunity to go out, let our metaphorical hair down and really enjoy ourselves......and we did....apparently!

We both woke the morning after and had no recollection as to what happened, all we had were a few photographs, some witnesses and huge smiles on our  face. We admittedly drank way too much but I think it totally bought us closer as a couple.

Even in our drunken state people claimed that we were 'an absolute double act' and 'so clearly in love'; it makes me feel great knowing that we show how much we really do over one another without actually really trying, its just so obvious to everyone.

A few days later Andrew confirmed what I knew already, he said 'Your my best friend, I think Friday night made me realise it, its bought us closer as a couple'. Hearing that from someone who as a rule never tells me he loves me very often and never really opens his heart to me, was absolutely amazing.

(Extract from my journal December 8th 2012)

Thursday, 3 October 2013


Size 22- Smiley face!
There's no better feeling than shopping in New Look and realising your no longer a size 24 (previously I was a size 26). Ever since this discovery I have had to take 2 of each item (each in a 24 and my new slimmer size 20-22). On the other hand, its sad to know the clothing you once loved now hangs off you and looks so unflattering.

Recently I went on a shopping trip and purchased lots of new clothes in my new size which was totally exciting, even more so due to the massive post summer SALE! With Autumn on here I'll be stocking up on tunic style dresses and wearing with leggings or black cute with little boots too.

Amongst the many tops I purchased was this pretty little Vintage style number (see left). At only £17.99 from New Look it was a great steal.

Absolutely fallen in love with 'Soap & Glory' products; their Vintage advertising and their floral fragrances really have captured my heart.

I thought id treat myself and give my toiletry basket a revamp by getting rid of the old and embracing the new. I cant wait for Christmas now because Im sure Santa will update my collection in kind. 

The biggest update I guess is the new Facebook help group myself and my other half Andrew have set up; so far its really interactive with friends (who are wanting to lose weight) sharing their successes, their challenges and their recipes.

Monday, 1 July 2013

Count your blessings

Iv always been so impatient..... anybody will tell you the same.
Recently, Iv been annoying myself with negative thoughts about my overall success in life so far. Most of you may be thinking 'wait! she's only 24! this girl is so over dramatic' ... guess what? Your totally right! people in the past have accused me of 'always wanting better' and sometimes I don't see the harm in having this attitude but your quickly begin to ask yourself 'Will I ever be content & happy?'. Fact is I have so much to be grateful for & my life is truly blesses but sometimes like everyone I guess... I simply forget. I have so many beautiful people around me where some people have no-one. I have yet to experience any REALLY close barievements even at the age of 24. Although it might be unconventional and crazy at times I have a small but for the best part supportive family who have made me the strong, independent achiever I am today.
Andrew thinks I'm hormonal (generic man code for 'Your being overemotional') but the truth is... recently  have been thinking alot about things & feeling a little deflated. Today it got to the stage where I began to even annoy myself, after all Andrew has been totally supportive & its about time I did something to pull myself out of this rut!

I constantly remind myself that we only get one life, one chance to make a life for ourselves. I look around me and see people my age with grown up Children, cars and a house (mostly on the council with the odd exception) I cant help but compare my own life. Overall, I've done everything in a traditional order... Education, Fall in love, Get a 'big girl job' & Move in with a boy and to be honest I wouldn't change any of my University experience because as well as gaining a degree it made me into a more confident, strong woman (one so confident she met a stranger off the internet and ended up falling for him).

I look around me and see world devastation on the News; terrorism, natural disasters and  unprecedented acts of evil. Even amongst my closest associates I see people suffering loss, poor mental health, unemployment, financial hardship, failed relationships and so on. Daily, social networking site like Facebook is filled with general hatred or wrong doing in the world. Basically, Iv given myself a metaphorical slap around the face & I vow to be a more positive individual. I have so much to feel blessed about... lets just take a look...

Our Home~ We are in the process of saving to buy our first home together. Constant dreams of a a garden to sunbath in, a walk-in wardrobe and a cute little cottagey-feel house in Sheffield is all we can talk of some days. saving can be stressful and annoying especially when there are other things tempting the pennies out of my purse like constantly updating my wardrobe etc. This task has been particularly hard as I have never saved in my life (seriously). Currently we have a really good set up living in a 1 bed cottagey-feel apartment which we have made into our own and kitting out with lots of pretty Vintage-style nick-nacs. Sad thing is this property doesn't have a garden which often annoys me. I often forget that this time 2 years ago we didn't even live together, between us we only owned clothing and personal items like mobile phones and laptops, in just 2 short years we have so many beautiful things..... I'm proud to say we've made a home.

Travelling~ Like everyone I enjoy a holiday but saving for the house has meant that holidaying in the summer has been a no starter. Similar to most I often get grumpy this time of year if I'm not going anywhere exotic..... how selfish & pathetic! I realised today that there are people out there dying for their country and fighting to have things we take for granted like education & equal opportunity and here's Janette crying because she can't whip out her factor 30 and sit on a beach! REALLY!???

My job~ Like most people I enjoy having a good moan about my job and general feelings of under appreciation or a lack of job satisfaction in the work place. Andrew often reminds me that in this climate I was actually very lucky to gain a well paid NHS position straight from University whilst half of my class peers had to opt for work in supermarkets just to make ends meet. The fact is that although my job is stressful, I have lots of days off and its currently paying for our new home.... that job is literally funding our hopes and dreams of the future. I guess there are millions of people who sit on that Monday morning tram at feeling like their worlds going to end and that they might actually cry but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.....truth is everybody else has accepted that 'that's life'!

Loved one~ One of my biggest blessings in life is that even though I'm only 24 I have managed to experience heartache and breakups before finally finding someone who actually completes me; makes me laugh so much it hurts and loves me so much I often think why! I never realised my life was missing so much until I met Andrew almost 4 years ago; he is such a practical thinker unlike me and is often nearby to ground me and tell me to 'man up!'. As well as our family (his & mine) who I love dearly I also have a best friend who I can share every detail of my life with and who has been supporting me for almost 13 years now.

Sometimes I forget I'm only 24! My expectations (of my own life and achievements) are sometimes so high and premature. Like, what other 24 year old can say they've honestly found their soul-mate so early on with whom they're saving for a house for. Yeah I want the Children, the House the Vintage wedding like in the Movies but I have to remember that this is real life and everything simply doesn't unfold in the space of 100minutes as it often does in the Movies; Within the space of one film boy meets girl, girl falls in love with guy, guy and girl get married, have babies and rule the world as a close knit family unit!... By anybody's standards that's a heck of a lot to fit into a few short hours, I have all on having a bath & shaving my legs in that amount of time.

Forget about what ISNT happening for you at the moment and cherish your blessings. From now on I plan to count my blessings everyday and remind myself that I have my entire life ahead of me. if I continue doing what Im doing now, realistically in 3years time I could be debt free and own our own home if only I remain positive and focused.

Rebecca Fergusons music (this song in particular; see left) means alot to us. We went to see her live in concert last year and she really sums up everything with this truly inspiring song. Forget about all the material things;the cars, the money, the job and stay focused on those beautiful people around you.

Ever since I was a little girl my Mother has always said 'It wont always be dark at six', only now as a grown up do I understand what this actually means. There is plenty to look forward to, for it won’t always be dark at six- remember this.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

New attitude!...

Last month there came a moment where we both (me and Andrew) looked at one another and realised we were rapidly settling back into our old eating habits; midnight snacks, ordering regular takeaway eating 4 meals a day and generally having no consideration for nutrition or healthy eating. I was reaching the doomed 17stone mark again.... since reducing my weight from 20.5stone in 2009 I vowed Id never get anywhere near that point again but by ignoring 'small' gains each week it was quickly adding up. I was seriously beginning to feel like I just couldn't be bothered with caring about my weight any more. Additionally, Andrews attitude was growing to be very similar to that of my own and for months he had put his healthy eating/exercise plan on the back burner. Combine Andrews recent lack of attention to calories and nutrition with a few stressful events of late he had gained (like me) a few pounds and was beginning to hate what stared back at him in the mirror. The final straw came from from a very wise and very lovely old lady.... AKA Andrews Mother. Hazel wouldn't intentionally set out to hurt anybody's feelings but one day passed a comment about how Andrews 'big belly was coming back'- this ultimately shocked him into having an entirely new attitude! Since that comment was made over 3 weeks ago he has been a much happier person, sticking to a calorie controlled diet whilst still preparing delicious and attractive meals. the difference is amazing and i can tell already that he's lost weight even though is says he wont get weighed for at least another week.... I'm so proud of him and cannot wait to see his progress in stats.

Im feeling much happier too.....In just 3 weeks Iv lost 4lbs.... yes I went out for a Chinese last night, yes Iv had a few treats and yes Iv still had a few disastrous days BUT ultimately Iv limited my Chocolate intake, increased the amount I walk and generally avoided binging as much as I used to. Iv realised that without straining myself or depriving myself I have actually lost weight enjoyed it. For example this evening we are having fresh chicken breast frilled on rolls with a side of coleslaw and salad.

Instead of being hard on ourselves, depriving ourselves and refusing to buy anything tasty on shopping day we have began limiting what we eat and spreading out the treats instead. Fact is.... its better to lose weight gradually as you are more likely to maintain in the long run. Diets can sometimes be depressing due to the lack of variety and an overwhelming sense of it having to go on forever so we are trying hard to make it fun tasty and manageable.

I knew before I even weighed in that I felt like I had lost weight and just couldn't resist weighing in a week prematurely; certain pieces of clothing were hanging off me where as previously they'd been a perfect fit. So, I rewarded myself with a few vibrant new purchases to match the huge grin on my face.

Here are 5 minor changes I have made:
*Swapped my 111 calorie yogurts for 10calorie Jellies (more food for less calroies)
*Walking a little more instead of catching the tram EVERYWHERE
*Limiting bread/carbs in general but still enjoying home-made chips in fry light etc
*Eating more fruit and veggies
* Limiting chocolate/having a cream cake on shopping day once weekly

My Big Bro is getting married in August (8weeks away) and I am determined to lose another 10lbs by then... I can do this! Feeling so motivated at the moment, couldn't be happier.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

Respect the Specs.....

Many would agree that when it comes to deciding what to wear or fashion in general its important to consider EVERYTHING! Afterall, whats the point in spending time and effort pondering on the perfect outfit only to turn up to an event with god awful hair or scruffy footwear? It annoys me no end when I see beautiful female cashiers on the tills in my favourite highstreet stores and I look down at the girls nails only to notice they have six inch of dirt under a botched or ill maintained manicure.. I mean why! Really? I stand 100% by the statement that an outfit says alot about the person; chances are if you are dirty and lazy in fashion you are probably lazy in life lacking aspiration and unwilling to make any effort.
I consider my hair, nails and makeup each a contributory factor in my fashion identity. My red hair highlights my bold personality and reflects my desire to be unique, different and individual. Also, my nails are always manicured and painted in a vibrant colour whenever Im off duty in order to reflect my happy approach to life believeing that a little colour brings happiness to even the darkest of days. Today I add another spanner into the mix as I prepare to collect my new specs from the Opticians; this is the first time since becoming fashion consious that I have chosen a pair, Every other visit I'd opt for boring thin frames with little colour or design only this time Iv been slightly more daring and chosen a thicker geekesk frame. Ideally Id have loved the pink frames but Pinks not  colour that tends to compliment certain shades of clothing, I thought a more neutral colour was appropriate.

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Introducing my new video blog ♡

Here it is! My video blog.

For a while now Iv wanted to bring you guys more fashion and less weightloss talk. By doing this I think taking the emphasis and pressure off losing weight will be much more effective.

Additionally I understand that although many love this blog, some do not reading lengthy posts or reading for that matter. So, heres a new approach,  I will continue to write but also video blog about fashion and accessories.

So please add your friends, respind and comment. I'm always looking inspirational blig ideas so keep them coming.....
Love & kisses

Due to a technical fault of my own I recorded my first edition in the wrong format so couldnt upliad it directly to this blog.....theresfore the next best thing is a direct link to my youtube page...clickhere!

Any future video posts will be posted directly on my page.
Please enjoy, add your friends, respond and comment.
Peace and love xoxo

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

"Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem: My mind, my keys, my phone....."

 Ever since I was a little girl being at the beach, inhaling the fresh sea air and listening to the roaring waves has always had such a calming effect on me.

Some of our best family memories are at Blackpool or Skegness (cheap and cheerful). Building sandcastles, convincing Mum our good behaviour merited at least one more go on the donkeys; since then a lot has changed I mean the Donkeys even get a compulsory dinner break now.

Every time I visit my favourite seaside resorts of Scarborough and Whitby I become very nostalgic and suddenly i become a little Kid again; working the penny slots, writing messages in the sand and chowing down on all those delectable Seaside treats.

The important thing about having a 'treat day' or allowing yourself to consume those forbidden fruits is the acceptance that this carefree indulgence is only temporary as the point counting resumes as soon as the clock hits Midnight. With that in mind, yesterday i enjoyed the traditional Fish & Chips, some sugary doughnuts (compulsory) and some of the tastiest Lemon cheesecake ice-cream ever. Knowing I' ve allowed myself those yummy luxuries yesterday and I'm back on track today doesn't make me feel the slightest bit guilty; I had fun, I knew my limits and I was fully aware that the DAY of overindulgence couldn't last any longer than that!

As you regular readers may know, I now accepted my past downfalls in my ongoing mission to lose weight. 1) No longer will it be called a 'diet' as that term is simply depressing and increases the likelihood of failure. 2) I now realise that my carefree personality not only NEEDS instruction and clear limitations (like Weight-Watchers Propoint counting) but I also LIKE it. For now, depending on my own judgement in regards to food and calorie allowance is NOT going to work.
3) Being a 'serial weigher' has never really helped me. Once upon a time I'd step on those evil scales 4-5 times daily and as you'd expect they read heavier ever time as I ate my way through a days food intake. Recently Iv gotten alot better and in a bizarre twist going off track for a few months 9and therefore not giving a toss where the scales were let alone how fat they thought I was) actually meant that I learnt how to live without them. Also, having scales in your home isn;t always the best if I'm completely honest as it's a constant reminder to yourself and everyone who visits that your on a 'diet'. I have vivid memories of a 9year old me weighing myself every time I went to the toilet just because the scales sat directly at your feet almost as you peed.

Well thats it for now.... its kind of obvious when Im staying on track as these posts become more frequent and lengthy, work is my distraction from not eating I guess because whilst ever Im typing it's pretty tricky to hold a chocolate bar. *Janette contemplates attempting to test this theory and eat WITHOUT any hands* NO! STOP IT!